DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
