Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize