hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
