i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
