Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
