Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
