Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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