u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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