it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
