Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
