Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
