Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
