Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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