I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
