This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
