Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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