i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
