Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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