NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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