What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
