I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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