I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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