My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
