Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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