awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
