Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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