God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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