she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
