this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
