I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
