I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
