What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
