brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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