C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
