Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
