I accidentally had phone sex last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
