Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
