hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize