I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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