I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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