ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
