The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
