Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
