so that wasnt chicken after all
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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