i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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