I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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