is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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