Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
