Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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