omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
