I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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