yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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