Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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