Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
