i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
