i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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