if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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