if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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