You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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