recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
