used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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