Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
