She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
