i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
