The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In America we eat man semen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
