yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
