I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
