i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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