Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
