a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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