well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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